America's cultural experience in Russia
by Thatsfinewithme
Summary: With Russia's military growing increasingly stronger, a dark shadow of fear looms over the American people. However, Americas boss is too afraid to react. Can our favourite HERO single-handedly keep the world safe? Possible RussAme USUK


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America's cultural experience in Russia AN: hiya I'm majoring in Russian at uni and have to study sum of da Kultur so I'll do it in tis story, what happen when AMRIKSU discover ... Is Russia copying him? Will there b WWIIi . Snow sorry if there are soelling mistakes I was hyper jijiji disclaimer: DONT OWN HETALIA!

It was November 1 and America cackled evilly as he sat on his private jet that was heading towards Russia. For ages he'd wanted to rage war on his rival, but his boss Swaron had always refused due to lack of funding. Worse yet russia's military had become increasingly powerful over the last few years and worry spread among America's citizens. Sauron was left with only one option: to form an alliance with the former soviet union. It would be temporary, however, and would only be used to give the Americans time to recuperate and rearm themselves. They would strike as soon as they were ready.  
Little to America's boss's knowledge, however, the sexy nation was planning to bring Russia down from the inside like a frozen horse. Go capitalism!  
America hopped off the plane, squawking. He roared in horror at the horrific weather. It was burning hot and his leather catsuit made him sweat like a pig in august (as Germany would say.)  
Growling, he waited dramatically for his private limo, that Russia had organised to take him to his home town - Janizio (or "ханицьё") as the commies spelt it with their messed up alphabet.  
Americs went to Janizio and he got there. He howled in democratic rage at what he saw: skull decorations, people in costumes, children with skull-shaped candy... Halloween was HIS tradition! Who the hell did these commies think they were, celebrating it?  
Of course, being commies, they'd added their own commie-twist to it; people were there dancing with fire, playing African drums and there were lots of altars with skull decorations (most likely dedicated to Satan.)  
Roaring, America grabbed several skulls, that appeared to be made of sugar, and stuffed them in his mouth. He started eating some yellow/orange flowers on one of the altars and a woman was screaming at him in Russian.  
"América! No!" shouted a familiar commie voice. America turned around slowly and dramatically. He gasped. It was a horrible communist guy with tanned skin, a sombrero and a poncho. He had tanned skin (basically like Russia in the anime) but it was obvious it wasn't a fake tan and that he wasn't democratic. It was... Russia!  
"No!" America shouted out in horror.  
"América! ¿Кэ пута мадрэ естас асиендо? - what the hell are you doing?!"  
America tried his best not to show fear. He was the HERO after all. He growled.  
"Actually commie bastard, I could ask you the same question. What the hell are you doing stealing my capitalist tradition?"  
"YOUR tradition?!" Russia looked around, perplexed. "Gringo, my people have been celebrating "El Día de Muertos" thousands of years before you were even a colony. What are you talking about?!"  
America laughed loudly and angrily. "Día de Muertos? That's what you commies call it?" he sneered. "Last time I checked this was Halloween - MY tradition! You can't just give it another name and claim it as your own!"  
Ivan looked even more perplexed. "This is not Halloween, гринго. Like I said it's "El Día de Muertos", it began long before Halloween and has nothing to do with it! Halloween is about evil spirits, no? Well, my holiday is about honouring good spirits: our friends, families and ancestors. It has a lot more meaning than Halloween."  
America smiled, but it looked out of place with the crazed look in his eyes. A dark aura fell upon him and he chuckled under his breath. "Kolkolkol..."  
Russia looked at him weirdly because "col" meant "cabbage" in his language.  
"Stop the celebrations, Russia," America said in a creepy child-like voice, "never celebrate this Halloween rip-off again or I'll declare war on you."  
For a moment the blood-traitor nation looked shocked, but it soon gave way to anger.  
"No!" he snapped. "These celebrations are an important part of my people's culture. It's our way of living alongside death. We will never stop them. Besides, how are you going to fight me when you are in recession and your military is so small?"  
America grinned, a glint in his eyes. "Allies."  
Russia gulped. *Madre mía...*. America's usual allies were morbidly obese homicidal maniacs who outright refused to wash. If their weapons didn't harm his people their stench would.  
"Y..you can't be serious, gringo. We can't go to war over a festival. Even if you have allies you will still be in serious debt! Millions will die because YOU don't like a tradition in my country, a tradition that brings light and hope into people's lives." He looked away sadly.  
"MY tradition!" America howled in rage, stamping his high-heel clad feet. "And think about it this way, commie bastard. We don't have to go to war at all. All you have to do is stop this celebration and the world can live in peace. You wouldn't want your stubbornness to cause world war three now, would you?"  
"ихо дэ пута!" Russia shouted angrily, making America smirk. "I do what you say now and where will it end? What else will you make me do to appease you? The world is sick of living in fear of you and someone has to teach you a lesson! You can declare war, you can gather allies, but I will do the same!"  
"Very well..." America's eyes glowed red. "War it is..." Russia's allies would be the stupid nations anyway like Canada (the guy who claimed he was Americ's brother), the baltics, Ukraine, BELARSU, hungry, Austria, south Italy Prussia even fo he was not no nation no more and. America would have the good people like England (if he agreed to get off his fat ass), Spain, Germany (see in England's brackets), japan, north Italy, China and... oh crap. Russia would have more. America chuckled nervously.  
"On second thought comm- I mean Russia, I like your tradition WHICH IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT TO HALLOWEEN HAHAHA," his eye twitched, "let's not go to war."

Тranslations:  
¿Кэ пута мадрэ естас асиендо? - what the he'll are you doing?  
Гринго - capitalist pig  
Ихо дэ пута - son of a bitch 


End file.
